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Chapter 8

           “Iwouldsacrificeanythingforyou—evenmyfeelings.”

           Butthecountessdidnotwantthequestionputlikethat:shedidnotwantasacrificefromherson,sheherselfwishedtomakeasacrificeforhim.

           “No,youhavenotunderstoodme,don’tletustalkaboutit,”shereplied,wipingawayhertears.

           “MaybeIdoloveapoorgirl,”saidNicholastohimself.“AmItosacrificemyfeelingsandmyhonorformoney?IwonderhowMammacouldspeaksotome.BecauseSónyaispoorImustnotloveher,”hethought,“mustnotrespondtoherfaithful,devotedlove?YetIshouldcertainlybehappierwithherthanwithsomedoll-likeJulie.Icanalwayssacrificemyfeelingsformyfamily’swelfare,”hesaidtohimself,“butIcan’tcoercemyfeelings.IfIloveSónya,thatfeelingisformestrongerandhigherthanallelse.”

           NicholasdidnotgotoMoscow,andthecountessdidnotrenewtheconversationwithhimaboutmarriage.Shesawwithsorrow,andsometimeswithexasperation,symptomsofagrowingattachmentbetweenhersonandtheportionlessSónya.Thoughsheblamedherselfforit,shecouldnotrefrainfromgrumblingatandworryingSónya,oftenpullingherupwithoutreason,addressingherstifflyas“mydear,”andusingtheformal“you”insteadoftheintimate“thou”inspeakingtoher.ThekindheartedcountesswasthemorevexedwithSónyabecausethatpoor,dark-eyednieceofherswassomeek,sokind,sodevotedlygratefultoherbenefactors,andsofaithfully,unchangingly,andunselfishlyinlovewithNicholas,thattherewerenogroundsforfindingfaultwithher

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