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Chapter 10

           Ifeltabashedandaskedwhetherwhathehadbeensayingdidnotconcernme;buthedidnotreply,gavemeakindlook,andthenwesuddenlyfoundourselvesinmybedroomwherethereisadoublebed.HelaydownontheedgeofitandIburnedwithlongingtocaresshimandliedowntoo.Andhesaid,“Tellmefranklywhatisyourchieftemptation?Doyouknowit?Ithinkyouknowitalready.”Abashedbythisquestion,Irepliedthatslothwasmychieftemptation.Heshookhisheadincredulously;andevenmoreabashed,IsaidthatthoughIwaslivingwithmywifeasheadvised,Iwasnotlivingwithherasherhusband.Tothisherepliedthatoneshouldnotdepriveawifeofone’sembracesandgavemetounderstandthatthatwasmyduty.ButIrepliedthatIshouldbeashamedtodoit,andsuddenlyeverythingvanished.AndIawokeandfoundinmymindthetextfromtheGospel:“Thelifewasthelightofmen.Andthelightshinethindarkness;andthedarknesscomprehendeditnot.”JosephAlexéevich’sfacehadlookedyoungandbright.ThatdayIreceivedaletterfrommybenefactorinwhichhewroteabout“conjugalduties.”

           9thDecember

           IhadadreamfromwhichIawokewithathrobbingheart.IsawthatIwasinMoscowinmyhouse,inthebigsittingroom,andJosephAlexéevichcameinfromthedrawingroom.Iseemedtoknowatoncethattheprocessofregenerationhadalreadytakenplaceinhim,andIrushedtomeethim

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