Війна і мир

Chapter 8

           MybenefactorthenexplainedtomefullythemeaningoftheGreatSquareofcreationandpointedouttomethatthenumbersthreeandsevenarethebasisofeverything.HeadvisedmenottoavoidintercoursewiththePetersburgBrothers,buttotakeuponlysecond-gradepostsinthelodge,totry,whiledivertingtheBrothersfrompride,toturnthemtowardthetruepathself-knowledgeandself-perfecting.Besidesthisheadvisedmeformyselfpersonallyabovealltokeepawatchovermyself,andtothatendhegavemeanotebook,theoneIamnowwritinginandinwhichIwillinfuturenotedownallmyactions.

           Petersburg,23rdNovember

           Iamagainlivingwithmywife.Mymother-in-lawcametomeintearsandsaidthatHélènewashereandthatsheimploredmetohearher;thatshewasinnocentandunhappyatmydesertion,andmuchmore.IknewthatifIonceletmyselfseeherIshouldnothavestrengthtogoonrefusingwhatshewanted.InmyperplexityIdidnotknowwhoseaidandadvicetoseek.Hadmybenefactorbeenherehewouldhavetoldmewhattodo.IwenttomyroomandrereadJosephAlexéevich’slettersandrecalledmyconversationswithhim,anddeducedfromitallthatIoughtnottorefuseasupplicant,andoughttoreachahelpinghandtoeveryone—especiallytoonesocloselyboundtome—andthatImustbearmycross.ButifIforgiveherforthesakeofdoingright,thenletunionwithherhaveonlyaspiritualaim.ThatiswhatIdecided,andwhatIwrotetoJosephAlexéevich

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