Війна і мир

Chapter 6

           Particularlyvivid,humiliating,andshamefulwastherecollectionofhowonedaysoonafterhismarriagehecameoutofthebedroomintohisstudyalittlebeforenooninhissilkdressinggownandfoundhisheadstewardthere,who,bowingrespectfully,lookedintohisfaceandathisdressinggownandsmiledslightly,asifexpressingrespectfulunderstandingofhisemployer’shappiness.

           “ButhowoftenIhavefeltproudofher,proudofhermajesticbeautyandsocialtact,”thoughthe;“beenproudofmyhouse,inwhichshereceivedallPetersburg,proudofherunapproachabilityandbeauty.SothisiswhatIwasproudof!IthenthoughtthatIdidnotunderstandher.HowoftenwhenconsideringhercharacterIhavetoldmyselfthatIwastoblamefornotunderstandingher,fornotunderstandingthatconstantcomposureandcomplacencyandlackofallinterestsordesires,andthewholesecretliesintheterribletruththatsheisadepravedwoman.NowIhavespokenthatterriblewordtomyselfallhasbecomeclear.

           “Anatoleusedtocometoborrowmoneyfromherandusedtokisshernakedshoulders.Shedidnotgivehimthemoney,butletherselfbekissed.Herfatherinjesttriedtorouseherjealousy,andsherepliedwithacalmsmilethatshewasnotsostupidastobejealous:‘Lethimdowhathepleases,’sheusedtosayofme.OnedayIaskedherifshefeltanysymptomsofpregnancy.Shelaughedcontemptuouslyandsaidshewasnotafooltowanttohavechildren,andthatshewasnotgoingtohaveanychildrenbyme.

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