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Chapter 19

           Sometimesitseemedtohimthatotherpeoplewereallaspleasedashewashimselfandmerelytriedtohidethatpleasurebypretendingtobebusywithotherinterests.Ineverywordandgesturehesawallusionstohishappiness.Heoftensurprisedthosehemetbyhissignificantlyhappylooksandsmileswhichseemedtoexpressasecretunderstandingbetweenhimandthem.Andwhenherealizedthatpeoplemightnotbeawareofhishappiness,hepitiedthemwithhiswholeheartandfeltadesiresomehowtoexplaintothemthatallthatoccupiedthemwasamerefrivoloustrifleunworthyofattention.

           Whenitwassuggestedtohimthatheshouldenterthecivilservice,orwhenthewaroranygeneralpoliticalaffairswerediscussedontheassumptionthateverybody’swelfaredependedonthisorthatissueofevents,hewouldlistenwithamildandpityingsmileandsurprisepeoplebyhisstrangecomments.Butatthistimehesaweverybody—boththosewho,asheimagined,understoodtherealmeaningoflife(thatis,whathewasfeeling)andthoseunfortunateswhoevidentlydidnotunderstandit—inthebrightlightoftheemotionthatshonewithinhimself,andatoncewithoutanyeffortsawineveryonehemeteverythingthatwasgoodandworthyofbeingloved.

           Whendealingwiththeaffairsandpapersofhisdeadwife,hermemoryarousedinhimnofeelingbutpitythatshehadnotknowntheblisshenowknew.PrinceVasíli,whohavingobtainedanewpostandsomefreshdecorationswasparticularlyproudatthistime,seemedtohimapathetic,kindlyoldmanmuchtobepitied

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