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Chapter 1

           Itwouldbecontinualtorture.”Andhelookedsearchinglyather.Natáshaasusualansweredbeforeshehadtimetothinkwhatshewouldsay.Shesaid:“Thiscan’tgoon—itwon’t.Youwillgetwell—quitewell.”

           Shenowsawhimfromthecommencementofthatsceneandrelivedwhatshehadthenfelt.Sherecalledhislongsadandseverelookatthosewordsandunderstoodthemeaningoftherebukeanddespairinthatprotractedgaze.

           “Iagreed,”Natáshanowsaidtoherself,“thatitwouldbedreadfulifhealwayscontinuedtosuffer.Isaiditthenonlybecauseitwouldhavebeendreadfulforhim,butheunderstooditdifferently.Hethoughtitwouldbedreadfulforme.Hethenstillwishedtoliveandfeareddeath.AndIsaiditsoawkwardlyandstupidly!IdidnotsaywhatImeant.Ithoughtquitedifferently.HadIsaidwhatIthought,Ishouldhavesaid:evenifhehadtogoondying,todiecontinuallybeforemyeyes,IshouldhavebeenhappycomparedwithwhatIamnow.Nowthereisnothing...nobody.Didheknowthat?No,hedidnotandneverwillknowit.Andnowitwillnever,neverbepossibletoputitright.”Andnowheagainseemedtobesayingthesamewordstoher,onlyinherimaginationNatáshathistimegavehimadifferentanswer.Shestoppedhimandsaid:“Terribleforyou,butnotforme!Youknowthatformethereisnothinginlifebutyou,andtosufferwithyouisthegreatesthappinessforme,”andhetookherhandandpresseditashehadpresseditthatterribleeveningfourdaysbeforehisdeath

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Roboto Lora
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Сторінка 1985 з 2250