Chapter 18

           

           AftertheconversationwithAlexeyAlexandrovitch,VronskywentoutontothestepsoftheKarenins’houseandstoodstill,withdifficultyrememberingwherehewas,andwhereheoughttowalkordrive.Hefeltdisgraced,humiliated,guilty,anddeprivedofallpossibilityofwashingawayhishumiliation.Hefeltthrustoutofthebeatentrackalongwhichhehadsoproudlyandlightlywalkedtillthen.Allthehabitsandrulesofhislifethathadseemedsofirm,hadturnedoutsuddenlyfalseandinapplicable.Thebetrayedhusband,whohadfiguredtillthattimeasapitifulcreature,anincidentalandsomewhatludicrousobstacletohishappiness,hadsuddenlybeensummonedbyherherself,elevatedtoanawe-inspiringpinnacle,andonthepinnaclethathusbandhadshownhimself,notmalignant,notfalse,notludicrous,butkindandstraightforwardandlarge.Vronskycouldnotbutfeelthis,andthepartsweresuddenlyreversed.Vronskyfelthiselevationandhisownabasement,histruthandhisownfalsehood.Hefeltthatthehusbandwasmagnanimouseveninhissorrow,whilehehadbeenbaseandpettyinhisdeceit.Butthissenseofhisownhumiliationbeforethemanhehadunjustlydespisedmadeuponlyasmallpartofhismisery.Hefeltunutterablywretchednow,forhispassionforAnna,whichhadseemedtohimoflatetobegrowingcooler,nowthatheknewhehadlostherforever,wasstrongerthaneverithadbeen.Hehadseenallofherinherillness,hadcometoknowherverysoul,anditseemedtohimthathehadneverlovedhertillthen.

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