Chapter 12

           

           IntheearlydaysafterhisreturnfromMoscow,wheneverLevinshudderedandgrewred,rememberingthedisgraceofhisrejection,hesaidtohimself:“ThiswasjusthowIusedtoshudderandblush,thinkingmyselfutterlylost,whenIwaspluckedinphysicsanddidnotgetmyremove;andhowIthoughtmyselfutterlyruinedafterIhadmismanagedthataffairofmysister’sthatwasentrustedtome.Andyet,nowthatyearshavepassed,Irecallitandwonderthatitcoulddistressmesomuch.Itwillbethesamethingtoowiththistrouble.TimewillgobyandIshallnotmindaboutthiseither.”

           Butthreemonthshadpassedandhehadnotleftoffmindingaboutit;anditwasaspainfulforhimtothinkofitasithadbeenthosefirstdays.Hecouldnotbeatpeacebecauseafterdreamingsolongoffamilylife,andfeelinghimselfsoripeforit,hewasstillnotmarried,andwasfurtherthaneverfrommarriage.Hewaspainfullyconscioushimself,aswereallabouthim,thatathisyearsitisnotwellformantobealone.HerememberedhowbeforestartingforMoscowhehadoncesaidtohiscowmanNikolay,asimple-heartedpeasant,whomhelikedtalkingto:“Well,Nikolay!Imeantogetmarried,”andhowNikolayhadpromptlyanswered,asofamatteronwhichtherecouldbenopossibledoubt:“Andhightimetoo,KonstantinDmitrievitch.”Butmarriagehadnowbecomefurtheroffthanever.Theplacewastaken,andwheneverhetriedtoimagineanyofthegirlsheknewinthatplace,hefeltthatitwasutterlyimpossible.

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