Chapter 12

           

           Levinstrodealongthehighroad,absorbednotsomuchinhisthoughts(hecouldnotyetdisentanglethem)asinhisspiritualcondition,unlikeanythinghehadexperiencedbefore.

           Thewordsutteredbythepeasanthadactedonhissoullikeanelectricshock,suddenlytransformingandcombiningintoasinglewholethewholeswarmofdisjointed,impotent,separatethoughtsthatincessantlyoccupiedhismind.Thesethoughtshadunconsciouslybeeninhismindevenwhenhewastalkingabouttheland.

           Hewasawareofsomethingnewinhissoul,andjoyfullytestedthisnewthing,notyetknowingwhatitwas.

           “Notlivingforhisownwants,butforGod?ForwhatGod?Andcouldonesayanythingmoresenselessthanwhathesaid?Hesaidthatonemustnotliveforone’sownwants,thatis,thatonemustnotliveforwhatweunderstand,whatweareattractedby,whatwedesire,butmustliveforsomethingincomprehensible,forGod,whomnoonecanunderstandnorevendefine.Whatofit?Didn’tIunderstandthosesenselesswordsofFyodor’s?Andunderstandingthem,didIdoubtoftheirtruth?DidIthinkthemstupid,obscure,inexact?No,Iunderstoodhim,andexactlyasheunderstandsthewords.IunderstoodthemmorefullyandclearlythanIunderstandanythinginlife,andneverinmylifehaveIdoubtednorcanIdoubtaboutit.AndnotonlyI,buteveryone,thewholeworldunderstandsnothingfullybutthis,andaboutthisonlytheyhavenodoubtandarealwaysagreed.

           “AndIlookedoutformiracles,complainedthatIdidnotseeamiraclewhichwouldconvinceme.Amaterialmiraclewouldhavepersuadedme.

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