Chapter 32

Levinhadlongbeforemadetheobservationthatwhenoneisuncomfortablewithpeoplefromtheirbeingexcessivelyamenableandmeek,oneisaptverysoonaftertofindthingsintolerablefromtheirtouchinessandirritability.Hefeltthatthiswashowitwouldbewithhisbrother.AndhisbrotherNikolay’sgentlenessdidinfactnotlastoutforlong.Theverynextmorninghebegantobeirritable,andseemeddoinghisbesttofindfaultwithhisbrother,attackinghimonhistenderestpoints.

Levinfelthimselftoblame,andcouldnotsetthingsright.Hefeltthatiftheyhadbothnotkeptupappearances,buthadspoken,asitiscalled,fromtheheart—thatistosay,hadsaidonlyjustwhattheywerethinkingandfeeling—theywouldsimplyhavelookedintoeachother’sfaces,andKonstantincouldonlyhavesaid,“You’redying,you’redying!”andNikolaycouldonlyhaveanswered,“IknowI’mdying,butI’mafraid,I’mafraid,I’mafraid!”Andtheycouldhavesaidnothingmore,iftheyhadsaidonlywhatwasintheirhearts.Butlifelikethatwasimpossible,andsoKonstantintriedtodowhathehadbeentryingtodoallhislife,andnevercouldlearntodo,though,asfarashecouldobserve,manypeopleknewsowellhowtodoit,andwithoutittherewasnolivingatall.Hetriedtosaywhathewasnotthinking,buthefeltcontinuallythatithadaringoffalsehood,thathisbrotherdetectedhiminit,andwasexasperatedatit.