Анна Кареніна

Chapter 16

           

           Sherecalledthewordsfromtheletter.“Youcanconjecturewhatawaitsyouandyourson....”“That’sathreattotakeawaymychild,andmostlikelybytheirstupidlawhecan.ButIknowverywellwhyhesaysit.Hedoesn’tbelieveeveninmyloveformychild,orhedespisesit(justashealwaysusedtoridiculeit).Hedespisesthatfeelinginme,butheknowsthatIwon’tabandonmychild,thatIcan’tabandonmychild,thattherecouldbenolifeformewithoutmychild,evenwithhimwhomIlove;butthatifIabandonedmychildandranawayfromhim,Ishouldbeactinglikethemostinfamous,basestofwomen.Heknowsthat,andknowsthatIamincapableofdoingthat.”

           Sherecalledanothersentenceintheletter.“Ourlifemustgoonasithasdoneinthepast....”“Thatlifewasmiserableenoughintheolddays;ithasbeenawfuloflate.Whatwillitbenow?Andheknowsallthat;heknowsthatIcan’trepentthatIbreathe,thatIlove;heknowsthatitcanleadtonothingbutlyinganddeceit;buthewantstogoontorturingme.Iknowhim;Iknowthathe’sathomeandishappyindeceit,likeafishswimminginthewater.No,Iwon’tgivehimthathappiness.I’llbreakthroughthespiderwebofliesinwhichhewantstocatchme,comewhatmay.Anything’sbetterthanlyinganddeceit.

           “Buthow?MyGod!myGod!WaseverawomansomiserableasIam?...”

           “No;Iwillbreakthroughit,Iwillbreakthroughit!”shecried,jumpingupandkeepingbackhertears.Andshewenttothewriting-tabletowritehimanotherletter.

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