Анна Кареніна

Chapter 16

           Butatthebottomofherheartshefeltthatshewasnotstrongenoughtobreakthroughanything,thatshewasnotstrongenoughtogetoutofheroldposition,howeverfalseanddishonorableitmightbe.

           Shesatdownatthewriting-table,butinsteadofwritingsheclaspedherhandsonthetable,and,layingherheadonthem,burstintotears,withsobsandheavingbreastlikeachildcrying.Shewasweepingthatherdreamofherpositionbeingmadeclearanddefinitehadbeenannihilatedforever.Sheknewbeforehandthateverythingwouldgoonintheoldway,andfarworse,indeed,thanintheoldway.Shefeltthatthepositionintheworldthatsheenjoyed,andthathadseemedtoherofsolittleconsequenceinthemorning,thatthispositionwasprecioustoher,thatshewouldnothavethestrengthtoexchangeitfortheshamefulpositionofawomanwhohasabandonedhusbandandchildtojoinherlover;thathowevermuchshemightstruggle,shecouldnotbestrongerthanherself.Shewouldneverknowfreedominlove,butwouldremainforeveraguiltywife,withthemenaceofdetectionhangingoverherateveryinstant;deceivingherhusbandforthesakeofashamefulconnectionwithamanlivingapartandawayfromher,whoselifeshecouldnevershare.Sheknewthatthiswashowitwouldbe,andatthesametimeitwassoawfulthatshecouldnotevenconceivewhatitwouldendin.Andshecriedwithoutrestraint,aschildrencrywhentheyarepunished.

           Thesoundofthefootman’sstepsforcedhertorouseherself,and,hidingherfacefromhim,shepretendedtobewriting

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