Анна Кареніна

Chapter 30

           There’snothingtobeproudof.Nottobeproudof,buttobeashamedof.Hehastakenfrommeallhecould,andnowIamnousetohim.Heiswearyofmeandistryingnottobedishonorableinhisbehaviortome.Heletthatoutyesterdayhewantsdivorceandmarriagesoastoburnhisships.Helovesme,buthow?Thezestisgone,astheEnglishsay.Thatfellowwantseveryonetoadmirehimandisverymuchpleasedwithhimself,”shethought,lookingatared-facedclerk,ridingonariding-schoolhorse.“Yes,there’snotthesameflavoraboutmeforhimnow.IfIgoawayfromhim,atthebottomofhishearthewillbeglad.”

           Thiswasnotmeresupposition,shesawitdistinctlyinthepiercinglight,whichrevealedtohernowthemeaningoflifeandhumanrelations.

           “Mylovekeepsgrowingmorepassionateandegoistic,whilehisiswaningandwaning,andthat’swhywe’redriftingapart.”Shewentonmusing.“Andthere’snohelpforit.Heiseverythingforme,andIwanthimmoreandmoretogivehimselfuptomeentirely.Andhewantsmoreandmoretogetawayfromme.Wewalkedtomeeteachotheruptothetimeofourlove,andthenwehavebeenirresistiblydriftingindifferentdirections.Andthere’snoalteringthat.HetellsmeI’minsanelyjealous,andIhavetoldmyselfthatIaminsanelyjealous;butit’snottrue.I’mnotjealous,butI’munsatisfied.But....”sheopenedherlips,andshiftedherplaceinthecarriageintheexcitement,arousedbythethoughtthatsuddenlystruckher.

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