Анна Кареніна

Chapter 19

           

           “Yes,Icanseethathispositionisawful;it’sworsefortheguiltythantheinnocent,”shesaid,“ifhefeelsthatallthemiserycomesfromhisfault.ButhowamItoforgivehim,howamItobehiswifeagainafterher?Formetolivewithhimnowwouldbetorture,justbecauseIlovemypastloveforhim....”

           Andsobscutshortherwords.Butasthoughofsetdesign,eachtimeshewassoftenedshebegantospeakagainofwhatexasperatedher.

           “She’syoung,yousee,she’spretty,”shewenton.“Doyouknow,Anna,myyouthandmybeautyaregone,takenbywhom?Byhimandhischildren.Ihaveworkedforhim,andallIhadhasgoneinhisservice,andnowofcourseanyfresh,vulgarcreaturehasmorecharmforhim.Nodoubttheytalkedofmetogether,or,worsestill,theyweresilent.Doyouunderstand?”

           Againhereyesglowedwithhatred.

           “Andafterthathewilltellme....What!canIbelievehim?Never!No,everythingisover,everythingthatoncemademycomfort,therewardofmywork,andmysufferings....Wouldyoubelieveit,IwasteachingGrishajustnow:oncethiswasajoytome,nowitisatorture.WhathaveItostriveandtoilfor?Whyarethechildrenhere?What’ssoawfulisthatallatoncemyheart’sturned,andinsteadofloveandtenderness,Ihavenothingbuthatredforhim;yes,hatred.Icouldkillhim.”

           “DarlingDolly,Iunderstand,butdon’ttortureyourself.Youaresodistressed,sooverwrought,thatyoulookatmanythingsmistakenly.”

           Dollygrewcalmer,andfortwominutesbothweresilent.

           “What’stobedone?Thinkforme,Anna,helpme.

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