Война и мир

Chapter 12

           Hehadallhewanted:thethoughtofhiswifewhichhadbeenacontinualtormenttohimwasnolongerthere,sinceshewasnomore.

           “Oh,howgood!Howsplendid!”saidhetohimselfwhenacleanlylaidtablewasmoveduptohimwithsavorybeeftea,orwhenhelaydownforthenightonasoftcleanbed,orwhenherememberedthattheFrenchhadgoneandthathiswifewasnomore.“Oh,howgood,howsplendid!”

           Andbyoldhabitheaskedhimselfthequestion:“Well,andwhatthen?WhatamIgoingtodo?”Andheimmediatelygavehimselftheanswer:“Well,Ishalllive.Ah,howsplendid!”

           Theveryquestionthathadformerlytormentedhim,thethinghehadcontinuallysoughttofind—theaimoflife—nolongerexistedforhimnow.Thatsearchfortheaimoflifehadnotmerelydisappearedtemporarily—hefeltthatitnolongerexistedforhimandcouldnotpresentitselfagain.Andthisveryabsenceofanaimgavehimthecomplete,joyoussenseoffreedomwhichconstitutedhishappinessatthistime.

           Hecouldnotseeanaim,forhenowhadfaith—notfaithinanykindofrule,orwords,orideas,butfaithinanever-living,ever-manifestGod.FormerlyhehadsoughtHiminaimshesethimself.ThatsearchforanaimhadbeensimplyasearchforGod,andsuddenlyinhiscaptivityhehadlearnednotbywordsorreasoningbutbydirectfeelingwhathisnursehadtoldhimlongago:thatGodishereandeverywhere.InhiscaptivityhehadlearnedthatinKaratáevGodwasgreater,moreinfiniteandunfathomablethanintheArchitectoftheUniverserecognizedbytheFreemasons.

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