Part 15

Chapter 1

           

           Whenseeingadyinganimalamanfeelsasenseofhorror:substancesimilartohisownisperishingbeforehiseyes.Butwhenitisabelovedandintimatehumanbeingthatisdying,besidesthishorrorattheextinctionoflifethereisaseverance,aspiritualwound,whichlikeaphysicalwoundissometimesfatalandsometimesheals,butalwaysachesandshrinksatanyexternalirritatingtouch.

           AfterPrinceAndrew’sdeathNatáshaandPrincessMaryalikefeltthis.Droopinginspiritandclosingtheireyesbeforethemenacingcloudofdeaththatoverhungthem,theydarednotlooklifeintheface.Theycarefullyguardedtheiropenwoundsfromanyroughandpainfulcontact.Everything:acarriagepassingrapidlyinthestreet,asummonstodinner,themaid’sinquirywhatdresstoprepare,orworsestillanywordofinsincereorfeeblesympathy,seemedaninsult,painfullyirritatedthewound,interruptingthatnecessaryquietinwhichtheybothtriedtolistentothesternanddreadfulchoirthatstillresoundedintheirimagination,andhinderedtheirgazingintothosemysteriouslimitlessvistasthatforaninstanthadopenedoutbeforethem.

           Onlywhenalonetogetherweretheyfreefromsuchoutrageandpain.Theyspokelittleeventooneanother,andwhentheydiditwasofveryunimportantmatters.

           Bothavoidedanyallusiontothefuture.Toadmitthepossibilityofafutureseemedtothemtoinsulthismemory.Stillmorecarefullydidtheyavoidanythingrelatingtohimwhowasdead.

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