Chapter 19

           

           TherewasnothinginPierre’ssoulnowatalllikewhathadtroubleditduringhiscourtshipofHélène.

           Hedidnotrepeattohimselfwithasickeningfeelingofshamethewordshehadspoken,orsay:“Oh,whydidInotsaythat?”and,“Whatevermademesay‘Jevousaime’?”Onthecontrary,henowrepeatedinimaginationeverywordthatheorNatáshahadspokenandpicturedeverydetailofherfaceandsmile,anddidnotwishtodiminishoraddanything,butonlytorepeatitagainandagain.Therewasnownotashadowofdoubtinhismindastowhetherwhathehadundertakenwasrightorwrong.Onlyoneterribledoubtsometimescrossedhismind:“Wasn’titalladream?Isn’tPrincessMarymistaken?AmInottooconceitedandself-confident?Ibelieveallthis—andsuddenlyPrincessMarywilltellher,andshewillbesuretosmileandsay:‘Howstrange!Hemustbedeludinghimself.Doesn’theknowthatheisaman,justaman,whileI...?Iamsomethingaltogetherdifferentandhigher.’”

           ThatwastheonlydoubtoftentroublingPierre.Hedidnotnowmakeanyplans.Thehappinessbeforehimappearedsoinconceivablethatifonlyhecouldattainit,itwouldbetheendofallthings.Everythingendedwiththat.

           Ajoyful,unexpectedfrenzy,ofwhichhehadthoughthimselfincapable,possessedhim.Thewholemeaningoflife—notforhimalonebutforthewholeworld—seemedtohimcenteredinhisloveandthepossibilityofbeinglovedbyher.Attimeseverybodyseemedtohimtobeoccupiedwithonethingonly—hisfuturehappiness.

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