Война и мир

Chapter 14

           Nicholassubmittedtohim,andatonemomentprayedtoGodashehaddoneonthebattlefieldatthebridgeovertheEnns,andthenguessedthatthecardthatcamefirsttohandfromthecrumpledheapunderthetablewouldsavehim,nowcountedthecordsonhiscoatandtookacardwiththatnumberandtriedstakingthetotalofhislossesonit,thenhelookedroundforaidfromtheotherplayers,orpeeredatthenowcoldfaceofDólokhovandtriedtoreadwhatwaspassinginhismind.

           “Heknowsofcoursewhatthislossmeanstome.Hecan’twantmyruin.Wasn’themyfriend?Wasn’tIfondofhim?Butit’snothisfault.What’shetodoifhehassuchluck?...Andit’snotmyfaulteither,”hethoughttohimself,“Ihavedonenothingwrong.HaveIkilledanyone,orinsultedorwishedharmtoanyone?Whysuchaterriblemisfortune?Andwhendiditbegin?SuchalittlewhileagoIcametothistablewiththethoughtofwinningahundredrublestobuythatcasketforMamma’snamedayandthengoinghome.Iwassohappy,sofree,solighthearted!AndIdidnotrealizehowhappyIwas!Whendidthatendandwhendidthisnew,terriblestateofthingsbegin?Whatmarkedthechange?Isatallthetimeinthissameplaceatthistable,choseandplacedcards,andwatchedthosebroad-bonedagilehandsinthesameway.Whendidithappenandwhathashappened?Iamwellandstrongandstillthesameandinthesameplace.No,itcan’tbe!Surelyitwillallendinnothing!”

           Hewasflushedandbathedinperspiration,thoughtheroomwasnothot.

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