Анна Каренина

Chapter 18

           Helistened,andheardinastrange,madwhisperwordsrepeated:“Ididnotappreciateit,didnotmakeenoughofit.Ididnotappreciateit,didnotmakeenoughofit.”

           “What’sthis?AmIgoingoutofmymind?”hesaidtohimself.“Perhaps.Whatmakesmengooutoftheirminds;whatmakesmenshootthemselves?”heansweredhimself,andopeninghiseyes,hesawwithwonderanembroideredcushionbesidehim,workedbyVarya,hisbrother’swife.Hetouchedthetasselofthecushion,andtriedtothinkofVarya,ofwhenhehadseenherlast.Buttothinkofanythingextraneouswasanagonizingeffort.“No,Imustsleep!”Hemovedthecushionup,andpressedhisheadintoit,buthehadtomakeanefforttokeephiseyesshut.Hejumpedupandsatdown.“That’salloverforme,”hesaidtohimself.“Imustthinkwhattodo.Whatisleft?”HismindrapidlyranthroughhislifeapartfromhisloveofAnna.

           “Ambition?Serpuhovskoy?Society?Thecourt?”Hecouldnotcometoapauseanywhere.Allofithadhadmeaningbefore,butnowtherewasnorealityinit.Hegotupfromthesofa,tookoffhiscoat,undidhisbelt,anduncoveringhishairychesttobreathemorefreely,walkedupanddowntheroom.“Thisishowpeoplegomad,”herepeated,“andhowtheyshootthemselves...toescapehumiliation,”headdedslowly.

           Hewenttothedoorandclosedit,thenwithfixedeyesandclenchedteethhewentuptothetable,tookarevolver,lookedroundhim,turnedittoaloadedbarrel,andsankintothought.

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