Chapter 9

           

           Thesedoubtsfrettedandharassedhim,growingweakerorstrongerfromtimetotime,butneverleavinghim.Hereadandthought,andthemorehereadandthemorehethought,thefurtherhefeltfromtheaimhewaspursuing.

           OflateinMoscowandinthecountry,sincehehadbecomeconvincedthathewouldfindnosolutioninthematerialists,hehadreadandre-readthoroughlyPlato,Spinoza,Kant,Schelling,Hegel,andSchopenhauer,thephilosopherswhogaveanon-materialisticexplanationoflife.

           Theirideasseemedtohimfruitfulwhenhewasreadingorwashimselfseekingargumentstorefuteothertheories,especiallythoseofthematerialists;butassoonashebegantoreadorsoughtforhimselfasolutionofproblems,thesamethingalwayshappened.Aslongashefollowedthefixeddefinitionofobscurewordssuchasspirit,will,freedom,essence,purposelylettinghimselfgointothesnareofwordsthephilosopherssetforhim,heseemedtocomprehendsomething.Buthehadonlytoforgettheartificialtrainofreasoning,andtoturnfromlifeitselftowhathadsatisfiedhimwhilethinkinginaccordancewiththefixeddefinitions,andallthisartificialedificefelltopiecesatoncelikeahouseofcards,anditbecameclearthattheedificehadbeenbuiltupoutofthosetransposedwords,apartfromanythinginlifemoreimportantthanreason.

           Atonetime,readingSchopenhauer,heputinplaceofhiswillthewordlove,andforacoupleofdaysthisnewphilosophycharmedhim,tillheremovedalittleawayfromit.

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