Анна Каренина

Chapter 17

           Butthereisanotherwomaninme,I’mafraidofher:shelovedthatman,andItriedtohateyou,andcouldnotforgetaboutherthatusedtobe.I’mnotthatwoman.NowI’mmyrealself,allmyself.I’mdyingnow,IknowIshalldie,askhim.EvennowIfeelseehere,theweightsonmyfeet,onmyhands,onmyfingers.Myfingersseehowhugetheyare!Butthiswillsoonallbeover....OnlyonethingIwant:forgiveme,forgivemequite.I’mterrible,butmynurseusedtotellme;theholymartyrwhatwashername?Shewasworse.AndI’llgotoRome;there’sawilderness,andthereIshallbenotroubletoanyone,onlyI’lltakeSeryozhaandthelittleone....No,youcan’tforgiveme!Iknow,itcan’tbeforgiven!No,no,goaway,you’retoogood!”Sheheldhishandinoneburninghand,whileshepushedhimawaywiththeother.

           ThenervousagitationofAlexeyAlexandrovitchkeptincreasing,andhadbynowreachedsuchapointthatheceasedtostrugglewithit.Hesuddenlyfeltthatwhathehadregardedasnervousagitationwasonthecontraryablissfulspiritualconditionthatgavehimallatonceanewhappinesshehadneverknown.HedidnotthinkthattheChristianlawthathehadbeenallhislifetryingtofollow,enjoinedonhimtoforgiveandlovehisenemies;butagladfeelingofloveandforgivenessforhisenemiesfilledhisheart.Hekneltdown,andlayinghisheadinthecurveofherarm,whichburnedhimaswithfirethroughthesleeve,hesobbedlikealittlechild.Sheputherarmaroundhishead,movedtowardshim,andwithdefiantpridelifteduphereyes.

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