Анна Каренина

Chapter 31

           Ifnottoday,tomorrow,ifnottomorrow,inthirtyyears,wasn’titallthesame!Andwhatwasthisinevitabledeathhedidnotknow,hadneverthoughtaboutit,andwhatwasmore,hadnotthepower,hadnotthecouragetothinkaboutit.

           “Iwork,Iwanttodosomething,butIhadforgottenitmustallend;Ihadforgottendeath.”

           Hesatonhisbedinthedarkness,crouchedup,hugginghisknees,andholdinghisbreathfromthestrainofthought,hepondered.Butthemoreintenselyhethought,thecleareritbecametohimthatitwasindubitablyso,thatinreality,lookinguponlife,hehadforgottenonelittlefactthatdeathwillcome,andallends;thatnothingwasevenworthbeginning,andthattherewasnohelpingitanyway.Yes,itwasawful,butitwasso.

           “ButIamalivestill.Nowwhat’stobedone?what’stobedone?”hesaidindespair.Helightedacandle,gotupcautiouslyandwenttothelooking-glass,andbeganlookingathisfaceandhair.Yes,thereweregrayhairsabouthistemples.Heopenedhismouth.Hisbackteethwerebeginningtodecay.Hebaredhismusculararms.Yes,therewasstrengthinthem.ButNikolay,wholaytherebreathingwithwhatwasleftoflungs,hadhadastrong,healthybodytoo.Andsuddenlyherecalledhowtheyusedtogotobedtogetheraschildren,andhowtheyonlywaitedtillFyodorBogdanitchwasoutoftheroomtoflingpillowsateachotherandlaugh,laughirrepressibly,sothateventheiraweofFyodorBogdanitchcouldnotchecktheeffervescing,overbrimmingsenseoflifeandhappiness.“Andnowthatbent,hollowchest..

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