Анна Каренина

Chapter 8

           Andagainattheturninthedrawing-roomheaskedhimself,“Decidehow?”Andagainheaskedhimself,“Whathadoccurred?”andanswered,“Nothing,”andrecollectedthatjealousywasafeelinginsultingtohiswife;butagaininthedrawing-roomhewasconvincedthatsomethinghadhappened.Histhoughts,likehisbody,wentroundacompletecircle,withoutcominguponanythingnew.Henoticedthis,rubbedhisforehead,andsatdowninherboudoir.

           There,lookingathertable,withthemalachiteblottingcaselyingatthetopandanunfinishedletter,histhoughtssuddenlychanged.Hebegantothinkofher,ofwhatshewasthinkingandfeeling.Forthefirsttimehepicturedvividlytohimselfherpersonallife,herideas,herdesires,andtheideathatshecouldandshouldhaveaseparatelifeofherownseemedtohimsoalarmingthathemadehastetodispelit.Itwasthechasmwhichhewasafraidtopeepinto.Toputhimselfinthoughtandfeelinginanotherperson’splacewasaspiritualexercisenotnaturaltoAlexeyAlexandrovitch.Helookedonthisspiritualexerciseasaharmfulanddangerousabuseofthefancy.

           “Andtheworstofitall,”thoughthe,“isthatjustnow,attheverymomentwhenmygreatworkisapproachingcompletion”(hewasthinkingoftheprojecthewasbringingforwardatthetime),“whenIstandinneedofallmymentalpeaceandallmyenergies,justnowthisstupidworryshouldfallfoulofme.Butwhat’stobedone?I’mnotoneofthosemenwhosubmittouneasinessandworrywithouthavingtheforceofcharactertofacethem.

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