Part 3

Jonathan Harker’s Journal Continued

           WhenIfoundthatIwasaprisonerasortofwildfeelingcameoverme. Irushedupanddownthestairs,tryingeverydoorandpeeringoutofeverywindowIcouldfind,butafteralittletheconvictionofmyhelplessnessoverpoweredallotherfeelings. WhenIlookbackafterafewhoursIthinkImusthavebeenmadforthetime,forIbehavedmuchasaratdoesinatrap. When,however,theconvictionhadcometomethatIwashelplessIsatdownquietly,asquietlyasIhaveeverdoneanythinginmylife,andbegantothinkoverwhatwasbesttobedone. Iamthinkingstill,andasyethavecometonodefiniteconclusion. OfonethingonlyamIcertain. ThatitisnousemakingmyideasknowntotheCount. HeknowswellthatIamimprisoned,andashehasdoneithimself,andhasdoubtlesshisownmotivesforit,hewouldonlydeceivemeifItrustedhimfullywiththefacts. SofarasIcansee,myonlyplanwillbetokeepmyknowledgeandmyfearstomyself,andmyeyesopen. Iam,Iknow,eitherbeingdeceived,likeababy,bymyownfears,orelseIamindesperatestraits,andifthelatterbeso,Ineed,andshallneed,allmybrainstogetthrough. 

           IhadhardlycometothisconclusionwhenIheardthegreatdoorbelowshut,andknewthattheCounthadreturned. Hedidnotcomeatonceintothelibrary,soIwentcautiouslytomyownroomandfoundhimmakingthebed. Thiswasodd,butonlyconfirmedwhatIhadallalongthought,thattherearenoservantsinthehouse. WhenlaterIsawhimthroughthechinkofthehingesofthedoorlayingthetableinthediningroom,Iwasassuredofit. Forifhedoeshimselfallthesemenialoffices,surelyitisproofthatthereisnooneelseinthecastle,itmusthavebeentheCounthimselfwhowasthedriverofthecoachthatbroughtmehere. 

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