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Chapter 32

           Remember,Nell,touseforthee!’

           Whatcouldthechilddowiththeknowledgeshehad,butgivehimeverypennythatcameintoherhands,lestheshouldbetemptedontorobtheirbenefactress?Ifshetoldthetruth(sothoughtthechild)hewouldbetreatedasamadman;ifshedidnotsupplyhimwithmoney,hewouldsupplyhimself;supplyinghim,shefedthefirethatburnthimup,andputhimperhapsbeyondrecovery.Distractedbythesethoughts,bornedownbytheweightofthesorrowwhichshedarednottell,torturedbyacrowdofapprehensionswhenevertheoldmanwasabsent,anddreadingalikehisstayandhisreturn,thecolourforsookhercheek,hereyegrewdim,andherheartwasoppressedandheavy.Allheroldsorrowshadcomebackuponher,augmentedbynewfearsanddoubts;bydaytheywereeverpresenttohermind;bynighttheyhoveredroundherpillow,andhauntedherindreams.

           Itwasnaturalthat,inthemidstofheraffliction,sheshouldoftenreverttothatsweetyoungladyofwhomshehadonlycaughtahastyglance,butwhosesympathy,expressedinoneslightbriefaction,dweltinhermemorylikethekindnessesofyears.Shewouldoftenthink,ifshehadsuchafriendasthattowhomtotellhergriefs,howmuchlighterherheartwouldbethatifshewerebutfreetohearthatvoice,shewouldbehappier.Thenshewouldwishthatsheweresomethingbetter,thatshewerenotquitesopoorandhumble,thatshedaredaddressherwithoutfearingarepulse;andthenfeelthattherewasanimmeasurabledistancebetweenthem,andhavenohopethattheyoungladythoughtofheranymore.

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