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Chapter 8. The Dowager Mrs Gowan is reminded that ‘It Never Does’

           

           HerearisesafeatureoftheCircumlocutionOffice,notpreviouslymentionedinthepresentrecord.WhenthatadmirableDepartmentgotintotrouble,andwas,bysomeinfuriatedmembersofParliamentwhomthesmallerBarnaclesalmostsuspectedoflabouringunderdiabolicpossession,attackedonthemeritsofnoindividualcase,butasanInstitutionwhollyabominableandBedlamite;thenthenobleorrighthonourableBarnaclewhorepresenteditintheHouse,wouldsmitethatmemberandcleavehimasunder,withastatementofthequantityofbusiness(forthepreventionofbusiness)donebytheCircumlocutionOffice.ThenwouldthatnobleorrighthonourableBarnacleholdinhishandapapercontainingafewfigures,towhich,withthepermissionoftheHouse,hewouldentreatitsattention.ThenwouldtheinferiorBarnaclesexclaim,obeyingorders,‘Hear,Hear,Hear!’and‘Read!’ThenwouldthenobleorrighthonourableBarnacleperceive,sir,fromthislittledocument,whichhethoughtmightcarryconvictioneventotheperversestmind(DerisivelaughterandcheeringfromtheBarnaclefry),thatwithintheshortcompassofthelastfinancialhalf-year,thismuch-malignedDepartment(Cheers)hadwrittenandreceivedfifteenthousandletters(Loudcheers),hadwrittentwenty-fourthousandminutes(Loudercheers),andthirty-twothousandfivehundredandseventeenmemoranda(Vehementcheering).Nay,aningeniousgentlemanconnectedwiththeDepartment,andhimselfavaluablepublicservant,haddonehimthefavourtomakeacuriouscalculationoftheamountofstationeryconsumedinitduringthesameperiod.

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