Chapter 29. A Plea in the Marshalsea

           

           Haggardanxietyandremorsearebadcompanionstobebarredupwith.Broodingallday,andrestingverylittleindeedatnight,willnotarmamanagainstmisery.Nextmorning,Clennamfeltthathishealthwassinking,ashisspiritshadalreadysunkandthattheweightunderwhichhebentwasbearinghimdown.

           Nightafternighthehadrisenfromhisbedofwretchednessattwelveoroneo’clock,andhadsatathiswindowwatchingthesicklylampsintheyard,andlookingupwardforthefirstwantraceofday,hoursbeforeitwaspossiblethattheskycouldshowittohim.Nowwhenthenightcame,hecouldnotevenpersuadehimselftoundress.

           Foraburningrestlessnesssetin,anagonisedimpatienceoftheprison,andaconvictionthathewasgoingtobreakhisheartanddiethere,whichcausedhimindescribablesuffering.Hisdreadandhatredoftheplacebecamesointensethathefeltitalabourtodrawhisbreathinit.Thesensationofbeingstifledsometimessooverpoweredhim,thathewouldstandatthewindowholdinghisthroatandgasping.Atthesametimealongingforotherair,andayearningtobebeyondtheblindblankwall,madehimfeelasifhemustgomadwiththeardourofthedesire.

           Manyotherprisonershadhadexperienceofthisconditionbeforehim,anditsviolenceandcontinuityhadwornthemselvesoutintheircases,astheydidinhis.Twonightsandadayexhaustedit.Itcamebackbyfits,butthosegrewfainterandreturnedatlengtheningintervals.Adesolatecalmsucceeded;andthemiddleoftheweekfoundhimsettleddowninthedespondencyoflow,slowfever.

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