Крошка Доррит

Chapter 21. The History of a Self-Tormentor

           Myhusbandhimself,asiswellknown,formerlyhadaverydearsisterwhowasnotinlawhissister,butwhowasuniversallybelovedandrespected—’

           Isawdirectlythattheyhadtakenmeinforthesakeofthedeadwoman,whoevershewas,andtohavethatboastofmeandadvantageofme;Isaw,inthenurse’sknowledgeofit,anencouragementtogoadmeasshehaddone;andIsaw,inthechildren’sshrinkingaway,avagueimpression,thatIwasnotlikeotherpeople.Ileftthathousethatnight.

           Afteroneortwoshortandverysimilarexperiences,whicharenottothepresentpurpose,IenteredanotherfamilywhereIhadbutonepupil:agirloffifteen,whowastheonlydaughter.Theparentsherewereelderlypeople:peopleofstation,andrich.Anephewwhomtheyhadbroughtupwasafrequentvisitoratthehouse,amongmanyothervisitors;andhebegantopaymeattention.Iwasresoluteinrepulsinghim;forIhaddeterminedwhenIwentthere,thatnooneshouldpitymeorcondescendtome.Buthewrotemealetter.Itledtoourbeingengagedtobemarried.

           HewasayearyoungerthanI,andyoung-lookingevenwhenthatallowancewasmade.HewasonabsencefromIndia,wherehehadapostthatwassoontogrowintoaverygoodone.Insixmonthsweweretobemarried,andweretogotoIndia.Iwastostayinthehouse,andwastobemarriedfromthehouse.Nobodyobjectedtoanypartoftheplan.

           Icannotavoidsayingheadmiredme;but,ifIcould,Iwould.Vanityhasnothingtodowiththedeclaration,forhisadmirationworriedme.

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