Джейн Ейр

Chapter XXXI

           MuchenjoymentIdonotexpectinthelifeopeningbeforeme:yetitwill,doubtless,ifIregulatemymind,andexertmypowersasIought,yieldmeenoughtoliveonfromdaytoday. 

           WasIverygleeful,settled,content,duringthehoursIpassedinyonderbare,humbleschoolroomthismorningandafternoon?Nottodeceivemyself,Imustreply—No:Ifeltdesolatetoadegree. Ifelt—yes,idiotthatIam—Ifeltdegraded. IdoubtedIhadtakenastepwhichsankinsteadofraisingmeinthescaleofsocialexistence. Iwasweaklydismayedattheignorance,thepoverty,thecoarsenessofallIheardandsawroundme. Butletmenothateanddespisemyselftoomuchforthesefeelings;Iknowthemtobewrong—thatisagreatstepgained;Ishallstrivetoovercomethem. To-morrow,Itrust,Ishallgetthebetterofthempartially;andinafewweeks,perhaps,theywillbequitesubdued. Inafewmonths,itispossible,thehappinessofseeingprogress,andachangeforthebetterinmyscholarsmaysubstitutegratificationfordisgust. 

           Meantime,letmeaskmyselfonequestion—Whichisbetter?—Tohavesurrenderedtotemptation;listenedtopassion;madenopainfuleffort—nostruggle;—buttohavesunkdowninthesilkensnare; fallenasleepontheflowerscoveringit;wakenedinasouthernclime,amongsttheluxuriesofapleasurevilla:tohavebeennowlivinginFrance,Mr.Rochester’smistress;deliriouswithhislovehalfmytime—forhewould—oh,yes,hewouldhavelovedmewellforawhile. 

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