Крошка Доррит

Chapter 31. Closed

           Iwassternwithhim,knowingthatthetransgressionsoftheparentsarevisitedontheiroffspring,andthattherewasanangrymarkuponhimathisbirth.Ihavesatwithhimandhisfather,seeingtheweaknessofhisfatheryearningtounbendtohim;andforcingitback,thatthechildmightworkouthisreleaseinbondageandhardship.Ihaveseenhim,withhismother’sface,lookingupatmeinawefromhislittlebooks,andtryingtosoftenmewithhismother’swaysthathardenedme.’

           Theshrinkingofherauditressstoppedherforamomentinherflowofwords,deliveredinaretrospectivegloomyvoice.

           ‘Forhisgood.Notforthesatisfactionofmyinjury.WhatwasI,andwhatwastheworthofthat,beforethecurseofHeaven!Ihaveseenthatchildgrowup;nottobepiousinachosenway(hismother’sinfluencelaytooheavyonhimforthat),butstilltobejustandupright,andtobesubmissivetome.Heneverlovedme,asIoncehalf-hopedhemight—sofrailweare,andsodothecorruptaffectionsofthefleshwarwithourtrustsandtasks;buthealwaysrespectedmeandorderedhimselfdutifullytome.Hedoestothishour.Withanemptyplaceinhisheartthathehasneverknownthemeaningof,hehasturnedawayfrommeandgonehisseparateroad;buteventhathehasdoneconsideratelyandwithdeference.Thesehavebeenhisrelationstowardsme.Yourshavebeenofamuchslighterkind,spreadoveramuchshortertime.

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