Джейн Ейр

Chapter XXXVII

           I,inmystiff-neckedrebellion,almostcursedthedispensation:insteadofbendingtothedecree,Idefiedit. Divinejusticepursueditscourse;disasterscamethickonme:Iwasforcedtopassthroughthevalleyoftheshadowofdeath. Hischastisementsaremighty;andonesmotemewhichhashumbledmeforever. YouknowIwasproudofmystrength:butwhatisitnow,whenImustgiveitovertoforeignguidance,asachilddoesitsweakness?Oflate,JaneonlyonlyoflateIbegantoseeandacknowledgethehandofGodinmydoom. Ibegantoexperienceremorse,repentance;thewishforreconcilementtomyMaker. Ibegansometimestopray:verybriefprayerstheywere,butverysincere. 

           "Somedayssince:nay,Icannumberthemfour;itwaslastMondaynight,asingularmoodcameoverme:oneinwhichgriefreplacedfrenzysorrow,sullenness. IhadlonghadtheimpressionthatsinceIcouldnowherefindyou,youmustbedead. Latethatnightperhapsitmightbebetweenelevenandtwelveo’clockereIretiredtomydrearyrest,IsupplicatedGod,that,ifitseemedgoodtoHim,Imightsoonbetakenfromthislife,andadmittedtothatworldtocome,wheretherewasstillhopeofrejoiningJane. 

           "Iwasinmyownroom,andsittingbythewindow,whichwasopen:itsoothedmetofeelthebalmynight-air;thoughIcouldseenostarsandonlybyavague,luminoushaze,knewthepresenceofamoon. 

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