Джейн Ейр

Chapter X

           "Anewservitude!Thereissomethinginthat,"Isoliloquised(mentally,beitunderstood;Ididnottalkaloud),"Iknowthereis,becauseitdoesnotsoundtoosweet;itisnotlikesuchwordsasLiberty,Excitement,Enjoyment:delightfulsoundstruly;butnomorethansoundsforme;andsohollowandfleetingthatitismerewasteoftimetolistentothem. ButServitude!Thatmustbematteroffact. Anyonemayserve:Ihaveservedhereeightyears;nowallIwantistoserveelsewhere. CanInotgetsomuchofmyownwill?Isnotthethingfeasible? Yesyestheendisnotsodifficult;ifIhadonlyabrainactiveenoughtoferretoutthemeansofattainingit." 

           Isatupinbedbywayofarousingthissaidbrain:itwasachillynight;Icoveredmyshoulderswithashawl,andthenIproceededtothinkagainwithallmymight. 

           "WhatdoIwant?Anewplace,inanewhouse,amongstnewfaces,undernewcircumstances:Iwantthisbecauseitisofnousewantinganythingbetter. Howdopeopledotogetanewplace?Theyapplytofriends,Isuppose:Ihavenofriends. Therearemanyotherswhohavenofriends,whomustlookaboutforthemselvesandbetheirownhelpers;andwhatistheirresource?" 

           Icouldnottell:nothingansweredme; Ithenorderedmybraintofindaresponse,andquickly.Itworkedandworkedfaster:Ifeltthepulsesthrobinmyheadandtemples;butfornearlyanhouritworkedinchaos;andnoresultcameofitsefforts. Feverishwithvainlabour,Igotupandtookaturnintheroom;undrewthecurtain,notedastarortwo,shiveredwithcold,andagaincrepttobed. 

           Akindfairy,inmyabsence,hadsurelydroppedtherequiredsuggestiononmypillow; forasIlaydown,itcamequietlyandnaturallytomymind. "Thosewhowantsituationsadvertise;youmustadvertiseintheshireHerald." 

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