Идиот

Chapter 5

           Itistherestill,forIforbadeanyonetopickitup.

           “Ifthis‘Explanation’getsintoanybody’shands,andtheyhavepatiencetoreaditthrough,theymayconsidermeamadman,oraschoolboy,or,morelikely,amancondemnedtodie,whothoughtitonlynaturaltoconcludethatallmen,exceptinghimself,esteemlifefartoolightly,liveitfartoocarelesslyandlazily,andare,therefore,oneandall,unworthyofit.Well,Iaffirmthatmyreaderiswrongagain,formyconvictionshavenothingtodowithmysentenceofdeath.Askthem,askanyoneofthem,orallofthem,whattheymeanbyhappiness!Oh,youmaybeperfectlysurethatifColumbuswashappy,itwasnotafterhehaddiscoveredAmerica,butwhenhewasdiscoveringit!YoumaybequitesurethathereachedtheculminatingpointofhishappinessthreedaysbeforehesawtheNewWorldwithhisactualeyes,whenhismutinoussailorswantedtotackabout,andreturntoEurope!WhatdidtheNewWorldmatterafterall?Columbushadhardlyseenitwhenhedied,andinrealityhewasentirelyignorantofwhathehaddiscovered.Theimportantthingislifelifeandnothingelse!Whatisany‘discovery’whatevercomparedwiththeincessant,eternaldiscoveryoflife?

           “Butwhatistheuseoftalking?I’mafraidallthisissocommonplacethatmyconfessionwillbetakenforaschoolboyexercisetheworkofsomeambitiousladwritinginthehopeofhiswork‘seeingthelight’;orperhapsmyreaderswillsaythat‘Ihadperhapssomethingtosay,butdidnotknowhowtoexpressit

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