Chapter 6

           “Iwillnotdeceiveyou.‘Reality’gotmesoentrappedinitsmeshesnowandagainduringthepastsixmonths,thatIforgotmy‘sentence’(orperhapsIdidnotwishtothinkofit),andactuallybusiedmyselfwithaffairs.

           “Awordastomycircumstances.When,eightmonthssince,Ibecameveryill,Ithrewupallmyoldconnectionsanddroppedallmyoldcompanions.AsIwasalwaysagloomy,morosesortofindividual,myfriendseasilyforgotme;ofcourse,theywouldhaveforgottenmeallthesame,withoutthatexcuse.Mypositionathomewassolitaryenough.FivemonthsagoIseparatedmyselfentirelyfromthefamily,andnoonedaredentermyroomexceptatstatedtimes,tocleanandtidyit,andsoon,andtobringmemymeals.Mymotherdarednotdisobeyme;shekeptthechildrenquiet,formysake,andbeatthemiftheydaredtomakeanynoiseanddisturbme.IsooftencomplainedofthemthatIshouldthinktheymustbeveryfond,indeed,ofmebythistime.IthinkImusthavetormented‘myfaithfulColia’(asIcalledhim)agooddealtoo.Hetormentedmeoflate;Icouldseethathealwaysboremytempersasthoughhehaddeterminedto‘sparethepoorinvalid.’Thisannoyedme,naturally.HeseemedtohavetakenitintohisheadtoimitatetheprinceinChristianmeekness!Surikoff,wholivedaboveus,annoyedme,too.Hewassomiserablypoor,andIusedtoprovetohimthathehadnoonetoblamebuthimselfforhispoverty.IusedtobesoangrythatIthinkIfrightenedhimeventually,forhestoppedcomingtoseeme.