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Chapter 5

           

           Thattherewas,indeed,beautyandharmonyinthoseabnormalmoments,thattheyreallycontainedthehighestsynthesisoflife,hecouldnotdoubt,norevenadmitthepossibilityofdoubt.Hefeltthattheywerenotanalogoustothefantasticandunrealdreamsduetointoxicationbyhashish,opiumorwine.Ofthathecouldjudge,whentheattackwasover.Theseinstantswerecharacterizedtodefineitinawordbyanintensequickeningofthesenseofpersonality.Since,inthelastconsciousmomentprecedingtheattack,hecouldsaytohimself,withfullunderstandingofhiswords:“Iwouldgivemywholelifeforthisoneinstant,”thendoubtlesstohimitreallywasworthalifetime.Fortherest,hethoughtthedialecticalpartofhisargumentoflittleworth;hesawonlytooclearlythattheresultoftheseecstaticmomentswasstupefaction,mentaldarkness,idiocy.Noargumentwaspossibleonthatpoint.Hisconclusion,hisestimateofthe“moment,”doubtlesscontainedsomeerror,yettherealityofthesensationtroubledhim.What’smoreunanswerablethanafact?Andthisfacthadoccurred.Theprincehadconfessedunreservedlytohimselfthatthefeelingofintensebeatitudeinthatcrowdedmomentmadethemomentworthalifetime.“Ifeelthen,”hesaidonedaytoRogojininMoscow,“IfeelthenasifIunderstoodthoseamazingwords‘Thereshallbenomoretime.’”Andheaddedwithasmile:“NodoubttheepilepticMahometreferstothatsamemomentwhenhesaysthathevisitedallthedwellingsofAllah,inlesstimethanwasneededtoemptyhispitcherofwater.

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