Американская трагедия

Chapter 34

           Hisdesireformore—more—thatintensedesirehehadfeltthereinLycurgusafterSondracameandnowthis,this!Andnoweventhiswasending—this—this—Why,hehadscarcelylivedatallasyet—andtheselasttwoyearssomiserablybetweenthesecrushingwalls.Andofthislifebutfourteen,thirteen,twelve,eleven,ten,nine,eightofthefilteringandnowfeverishdaysleft.Theyweregoing—going.Butlife—life—howwasonetodowithoutthat—thebeautyofthedays—ofthesunandrain—ofworklove,energy,desire.Oh,hereallydidnotwanttodie.Hedidnot.WhysaytohimsoconstantlyashismotherandtheReverendMcMillannowdidtoresolveallhiscareindivinemercyandthinkonlyofGod,whennow,now,wasall?AndyettheReverendMcMillaninsistingthatonlyinChristandthehereafterwasrealpeace.Oh,yes—butjustthesame,beforetheGovernormighthenothavesaid—mighthenothavesaidthathewasnotguilty—oratleastnotentirelyguilty—ifonlyhehadseenitthatway—thattime—andthen—then—whythentheGovernormighthavecommutedhissentencetolifeimprisonment—mighthenot?ForhehadaskedhismotherwhattheReverendMcMillanhadsaidtotheGovernor—(yetwithoutsayingtoherthathehadeverconfessedalltohim),andshehadrepliedthathehadtoldhimhowsincerelyhehadhumbledhimselfbeforetheLord—butnotthathewasnotguilty.

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