Американская трагедия

Chapter 32

           Besides,thefearofherdragginghimdownhadbeennodecentfear.(Itwasatnightsinhisbunkatthistimethathearguedandreasonedwithhimself,seeingthatMcMillanwasurginghimnowtorepentandmakepeacewithhisGod.)Yes,hewouldhavetoadmitthattohimself.Decidedlyandinstantlyhewouldhavesoughttosaveherlife,ifithadbeenSondra.Andsuchbeingthecase,hewouldhavetoconfessthat—ifheconfessedatalltotheRev.McMillan—ortowhomeverelseonetoldthetruth—whenonedidtellit—thepublicatlargeperhaps.Butsuchaconfessiononcemade,woulditnotsurelyandtrulyleadtohisconviction?Anddidhewanttoconvicthimselfnowandsodie?

           No,no,betterwaitawhileperhaps—atleastuntiltheCourtofAppealshadpassedonhiscase.WhyjeopardizehiscasewhenGodalreadyknewwhatthetruthwas?Truly,trulyhewassorry.Hecouldseehowterribleallthiswasnow—howmuchmiseryandheartache,apartfromthedeathofRoberta,hehadcaused.Butstill—still—wasnotlifesweet?Oh,ifhecouldonlygetout!Oh,ifhecouldonlygoawayfromhere—nevertoseeorhearorfeelanythingmoreofthisterribleterrorthatnowhungoverhim.Theslowcomingdark—theslowcomingdawn.Thelongnight!Thesighs—thegroans.Thetorturesbydayandbynightuntilitseemedattimesasthoughheshouldgomad;andwouldperhapsexceptforMcMillan,whonowappeareddevotedtohim—sokind,appealingandreassuring,too,attimes.

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