Chapter XXIII. A Spirit In Travail: One Rung Put Behind

           

           WhenCarriereachedherownroomshehadalreadyfallenapreytothosedoubtsandmisgivingswhichareevertheresultofalackofdecision.Shecouldnotpersuadeherselfastotheadvisabilityofherpromise,orthatnow,havinggivenherword,sheoughttokeepit.ShewentoverthewholegroundinHurstwood’sabsence,anddiscoveredlittleobjectionsthathadnotoccurredtoherinthewarmthofthemanager’sargument.Shesawwhereshehadputherselfinapeculiarlight,namely,thatofagreeingtomarrywhenshewasalreadysupposedlymarried.SherememberedafewthingsDrouethaddone,andnowthatitcametowalkingawayfromhimwithoutaword,shefeltasifsheweredoingwrong.Now,shewascomfortablysituated,andtoonewhoismoreorlessafraidoftheworld,thisisanurgentmatter,andonewhichputsupstrange,uncannyarguments.“Youdonotknowwhatwillcome.Therearemiserablethingsoutside.Peoplegoa-begging.Womenarewretched.Younevercantellwhatwillhappen.Rememberthetimeyouwerehungry.Sticktowhatyouhave.”

           Curiously,forallherleaningtowardsHurstwood,hehadnottakenafirmholdonherunderstanding.Shewaslistening,smiling,approving,andyetnotfinallyagreeing.Thiswasduetoalackofpoweronhispart,alackofthatmajestyofpassionthatsweepsthemindfromitsseat,fusesandmeltsallargumentsandtheoriesintoatangledmass,anddestroysforthetimebeingthereasoningpower.Thismajestyofpassionispossessedbynearlyeverymanonceinhislife,butitisusuallyanattributeofyouthandconducestothefirstsuccessfulmating.

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