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Chapter 7

           WedegradeGodwhenweattributeourownideastoHim,outofannoyancethatwecannotfathomHisways.

           “Again,Irepeat,IcannotbeblamedbecauseIamunabletounderstandthatwhichitisnotgiventomankindtofathom.WhyamItobejudgedbecauseIcouldnotcomprehendtheWillandLawsofProvidence?No,wehadbetterdropreligion.

           “Andenoughofthis.BythetimeIhavegotsofarinthereadingofmydocumentthesunwillbeupandthehugeforceofhisrayswillbeactinguponthelivingworld.Sobeit.IshalldiegazingstraightatthegreatFountainoflifeandpower;Idonotwantthislife!

           “IfIhadhadthepowertopreventmyownbirthIshouldcertainlyneverhaveconsentedtoacceptexistenceundersuchridiculousconditions.However,Ihavethepowertoendmyexistence,althoughIdobutgivebackdaysthatarealreadynumbered.Itisaninsignificantgift,andmyrevoltisequallyinsignificant.

           “Finalexplanation:Idie,notintheleastbecauseIamunabletosupportthesenextthreeweeks.Ohno,Ishouldfindstrengthenough,andifIwisheditIcouldobtainconsolationfromthethoughtoftheinjurythatisdoneme.ButIamnotaFrenchpoet,andIdonotdesiresuchconsolation.Andfinally,naturehassolimitedmycapacityforworkoractivityofanykind,inallottingmebutthreeweeksoftime,thatsuicideisabouttheonlythingleftthatIcanbeginandendinthetimeofmyownfreewill.

           “PerhapsthenIamanxioustotakeadvantageofmylastchanceofdoingsomethingformyself.

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