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Chapter 10

           Oh!whatalotofthingsIwanted!NowIwantnothing;Irenounceallmywants;IsworetomyselfthatIwouldwantnothing;letthemseekthetruthwithoutme!Yes,natureisfullofmockery!Why”hecontinuedwithsuddenwarmth“doesshecreatethechoicestbeingsonlytomockatthem?Theonlyhumanbeingwhoisrecognizedasperfect,whennatureshowedhimtomankind,wasgiventhemissiontosaythingswhichhavecausedthesheddingofsomuchbloodthatitwouldhavedrownedmankindifithadallbeenshedatonce!Oh!itisbetterformetodie!Ishouldtellsomedreadfullietoo;naturewouldsocontriveit!Ihavecorruptednobody.Iwantedtoliveforthehappinessofallmen,tofindandspreadthetruth.IusedtolookoutofmywindowatthewallofMeyer’shouse,andsaytomyselfthatifIcouldspeakforaquarterofanhourIwouldconvincethewholeworld,andnowforonceinmylifeIhavecomeintocontactwith...youifnotwiththeothers!Andwhatistheresult?Nothing!Thesoleresultisthatyoudespiseme!ThereforeImustbeafool,Iamuseless,itistimeIdisappeared!AndIshallleavenotevenamemory!Notasound,notatrace,notasingledeed!Ihavenotspreadasingletruth!...Donotlaughatthefool!Forgethim!Forgethimforever!Ibeseechyou,donotbesocruelastoremember!DoyouknowthatifIwerenotconsumptive,Iwouldkillmyself?”

           Thoughheseemedtowishtosaymuchmore,hebecamesilent.Hefellbackintohischair,and,coveringhisfacewithhishands,begantosoblikealittlechild.

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