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Chapter 15

           Iamhavingadayout,youknow—it’smybirthday!Ihavelonglookedforwardtothishappyoccasion.DariaAlexeyevna,youseethatnosegay-man,thatMonsieurauxCamelias,sittingtherelaughingatus?”

           “Iamnotlaughing,NastasiaPhilipovna;Iamonlylisteningwithallmyattention,”saidTotski,withdignity.

           “Well,whyhaveIworriedhim,forfiveyears,andneverlethimgofree?Isheworthit?Heisonlyjustwhatheoughttobe—nothingparticular.HethinksIamtoblame,too.Hegavememyeducation,keptmelikeacountess.Money—myword!Whatalotofmoneyhespentoverme!Andhetriedtofindmeanhonesthusbandfirst,andthenthisGania,here.Andwhatdoyouthink?AllthesefiveyearsIdidnotlivewithhim,andyetItookhismoney,andconsideredIwasquitejustified.

           “Yousay,takethehundredthousandandkickthatmanout.Itistrue,itisanabominablebusiness,asyousay.Imighthavemarriedlongago,notGania—Oh,no!—butthatwouldhavebeenabominabletoo.

           “Wouldyoubelieveit,IhadsomethoughtsofmarryingTotski,fouryearsago!Imeantmischief,Iconfess—butIcouldhavehadhim,Igiveyoumyword;heaskedmehimself.ButIthought,no!it’snotworthwhiletotakesuchadvantageofhim.No!Ihadbettergoontothestreets,oracceptRogojin,orbecomeawasherwomanorsomething—forIhavenothingofmyown,youknow.Ishallgoawayandleaveeverythingbehind,tothelastrag—heshallhaveitallback.

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