Американская трагедия

Chapter 45

           Yet,alas,ashealsowrotenow,souncertainwashe,evennow,astohowhewastodo,therewerecertaindetailsinconnectionwithhisworkherethatmightdelayhimadayortwoorthreehecouldnottellasyetbutwouldwriteherbythesecondatthelatest,whenhewouldknowpositively.Yetsayingtohimselfashewrotethis,ifshebutknewwhatthosedetailswereifshebutknew.Yetinpenningthis,andwithouthavingasyetansweredthelastimportunateletterfromRoberta,hewasalsosayingtohimselfthatthisdidnotmeanthathewasplanningtogotoRobertaatall,orthatifhedid,itdidnotmeanthathewasgoingtoattempttokillher.Neveroncedidhehonestly,ortoputitmoreaccurately,forthrightlyandcourageouslyorcoldlyfacethethoughtofcommittingsogrimacrime.Onthecontrary,thenearerheapproachedafinalresolutionortheneedforoneinconnectionwithallthis,themorehideousandterribleseemedtheideahideousanddifficult,andhencethemoreimprobableitseemedthatheshouldevercommitit.Itwastruethatfrommomenttomomentarguingwithhimselfasheconstantlywassweatingmentalsweatsandfleeingfrommoralandsocialterrorsinconnectionwithitall,hewasthinkingfromtimetotimethathemightgotoBigBitterninordertoquietherinconnectionwiththesepresentimportunitiesandthreatsandhence(oncemoreevasiontergiversationwithhimself)givehimselfmoretimeinwhichtoconcludewhathistruecoursemustbe.

           ThewayoftheLake.

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