Американская трагедия

Chapter 33

           Inconnectionwithhismentalstatealsothereintheboat,beforeandafterherrisingandattemptingtocometohimandthatblow,andafterhehadnottoldthetrutheitherquite.Thatunintentionalblow,ashenowwishedtoexplain,sinceitaffectedhiseffortsatreligiousmeditationadesiretopresenthimselfhonestlytohisCreator,ifatall(hedidnotthenexplainthatasyethehadscarcelyattemptedtosopresenthimself)—therewasmoretoitthanhehadbeenableyettomakeclear,eventohimself.Infactevennowtohimselftherewasmuchthatwasevasiveandeveninsolubleaboutit.Hehadsaidthattherehadbeennoangerthattherehadbeenachangeofheart.Buttherehadbeennochangeofheart.Infact,justbeforeshehadrisentocometohim,therehadbeenacomplextroubledstate,bordering,ashenowsawit,almostupontranceorpalsy,andduebuthecouldscarcelysaytowhatitwasdue,exactly.HehadthoughtatfirstorafterwardsthatitwaspartlyduetopityforRobertaor,atleasttheshameofsomuchcrueltyinconnectionwithherhisplantostrikeher.Atthesametimetherewasanger,toohatemaybebecauseofherdeterminationtoforcehimtodowhathedidnotwishtodo.

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