Американская трагедия

Chapter 33

           Inconnectionwithhismentalstatealsothereintheboat,beforeandafterherrisingandattemptingtocometohim—andthatblow,andafter—hehadnottoldthetrutheither—quite.Thatunintentionalblow,ashenowwishedtoexplain,sinceitaffectedhiseffortsatreligiousmeditation—adesiretopresenthimselfhonestlytohisCreator,ifatall(hedidnotthenexplainthatasyethehadscarcelyattemptedtosopresenthimself)—therewasmoretoitthanhehadbeenableyettomakeclear,eventohimself.Infactevennowtohimselftherewasmuchthatwasevasiveandeveninsolubleaboutit.Hehadsaidthattherehadbeennoanger—thattherehadbeenachangeofheart.Buttherehadbeennochangeofheart.Infact,justbeforeshehadrisentocometohim,therehadbeenacomplextroubledstate,bordering,ashenowsawit,almostupontranceorpalsy,anddue—buthecouldscarcelysaytowhatitwasdue,exactly.Hehadthoughtatfirst—orafterwards—thatitwaspartlyduetopityforRoberta—or,atleasttheshameofsomuchcrueltyinconnectionwithher—hisplantostrikeher.Atthesametimetherewasanger,too—hatemaybe—becauseofherdeterminationtoforcehimtodowhathedidnotwishtodo.

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