Крихітка Дорріт

Chapter 31. Closed

           Whenyouhavesatatyourneedleinmyroom,youhavebeeninfearofme,butyouhavesupposedmetohavebeendoingyouakindness;youarebetterinformednow,andknowmetohavedoneyouaninjury.Yourmisconstructionandmisunderstandingofthecauseinwhich,andthemotiveswithwhich,Ihaveworkedoutthiswork,islightertoendurethanhiswouldbe.Iwouldnot,foranyworldlyrecompenseIcanimagine,havehiminamoment,howeverblindly,throwmedownfromthestationIhaveheldbeforehimallhislife,andchangemealtogetherintosomethinghewouldcastoutofhisrespect,andthinkdetectedandexposed.Lethimdoit,ifitmustbedone,whenIamnotheretoseeit.Letmeneverfeel,whileIamstillalive,thatIdiebeforehisface,andutterlyperishawayfromhim,likeoneconsumedbylightningandswallowedbyanearthquake.’

           Herpridewasverystronginher,thepainofitandofheroldpassionswasverysharpwithher,whenshethusexpressedherself.Notlessso,whensheadded:

           ‘Evennow,Iseeyoushrinkfromme,asifIhadbeencruel.’

           LittleDorritcouldnotgainsayit.Shetriednottoshowit,butsherecoiledwithdreadfromthestateofmindthathadburntsofiercelyandlastedsolong.Itpresenteditselftoher,withnosophistryuponit,initsownplainnature.

           ‘Ihavedone,’saidMrsClennam,‘whatitwasgiventometodo.Ihavesetmyselfagainstevil;notagainstgood.Ihavebeenaninstrumentofseverityagainstsin.Havenotmeresinnerslikemyselfbeencommissionedtolayitlowinalltime?’

           ‘Inalltime?’repeatedLittleDorrit.

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