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Chapter 21. The History of a Self-Tormentor

           Shecoulddistribute,anddiddistributeprettylooksandsmilestoeveryoneamongthem.Ibelievetherewasnotasoulintheplace,exceptmyself,whoknewthatshediditpurposelytowoundandgallme!

           Nevertheless,Isolovedthatunworthygirlthatmylifewasmadestormybymyfondnessforher.Iwasconstantlylecturedanddisgracedforwhatwascalled‘tryingher;’inotherwordschargingherwithherlittleperfidyandthrowingherintotearsbyshowingherthatIreadherheart.However,Ilovedherfaithfully;andonetimeIwenthomewithherfortheholidays.

           Shewasworseathomethanshehadbeenatschool.Shehadacrowdofcousinsandacquaintances,andwehaddancesatherhouse,andwentouttodancesatotherhouses,and,bothathomeandout,shetormentedmylovebeyondendurance.Herplanwas,tomakethemallfondofher—andsodrivemewildwithjealousy.Tobefamiliarandendearingwiththemall—andsomakememadwithenvyingthem.Whenwewereleftaloneinourbedroomatnight,Iwouldreproachherwithmyperfectknowledgeofherbaseness;andthenshewouldcryandcryandsayIwascruel,andthenIwouldholdherinmyarmstillmorning:lovingherasmuchasever,andoftenfeelingasif,ratherthansufferso,Icouldsoholdherinmyarmsandplungetothebottomofariver—whereIwouldstillholdherafterwewerebothdead.

           Itcametoanend,andIwasrelieved.Inthefamilytherewasanauntwhowasnotfondofme.Idoubtifanyofthefamilylikedmemuch;butIneverwantedthemtolikeme,beingaltogetherboundupintheonegirl.

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