Злочин та покарання

Chapter 2

           Oh,scepticsandhalfpennyphilosophers,whydoyouhalthalf-way!

           “Whydoesmyactionstrikethemassohorrible?”hesaidtohimself.“Isitbecauseitwasacrime?Whatismeantbycrime?Myconscienceisatrest.Ofcourse,itwasalegalcrime,ofcourse,theletterofthelawwasbrokenandbloodwasshed.Well,punishmefortheletterofthelaw...andthat’senough.Ofcourse,inthatcasemanyofthebenefactorsofmankindwhosnatchedpowerforthemselvesinsteadofinheritingitoughttohavebeenpunishedattheirfirststeps.Butthosemensucceededandsotheywereright,andIdidn’t,andsoIhadnorighttohavetakenthatstep.”

           Itwasonlyinthatthatherecognisedhiscriminality,onlyinthefactthathehadbeenunsuccessfulandhadconfessedit.

           Hesufferedtoofromthequestion:whyhadhenotkilledhimself?Whyhadhestoodlookingattheriverandpreferredtoconfess?Wasthedesiretolivesostrongandwasitsohardtoovercomeit?HadnotSvidrigaïlovovercomeit,althoughhewasafraidofdeath?

           Inmiseryheaskedhimselfthisquestion,andcouldnotunderstandthat,attheverytimehehadbeenstandinglookingintotheriver,hehadperhapsbeendimlyconsciousofthefundamentalfalsityinhimselfandhisconvictions.Hedidn’tunderstandthatthatconsciousnessmightbethepromiseofafuturecrisis,ofanewviewoflifeandofhisfutureresurrection.

           Hepreferredtoattributeittothedeadweightofinstinctwhichhecouldnotstepover,againthroughweaknessandmeanness.

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