Chapter 4

           

           RaskolnikovhadbeenavigorousandactivechampionofSoniaagainstLuzhin,althoughhehadsuchaloadofhorrorandanguishinhisownheart.Buthavinggonethroughsomuchinthemorning,hefoundasortofreliefinachangeofsensations,apartfromthestrongpersonalfeelingwhichimpelledhimtodefendSonia.Hewasagitatedtoo,especiallyatsomemoments,bythethoughtofhisapproachinginterviewwithSonia:hehadtotellherwhohadkilledLizaveta.Heknewtheterriblesufferingitwouldbetohimand,asitwere,brushedawaythethoughtofit.SowhenhecriedasheleftKaterinaIvanovna’s,“Well,SofyaSemyonovna,weshallseewhatyou’llsaynow!”hewasstillsuperficiallyexcited,stillvigorousanddefiantfromhistriumphoverLuzhin.But,strangetosay,bythetimehereachedSonia’slodging,hefeltasuddenimpotenceandfear.Hestoodstillinhesitationatthedoor,askinghimselfthestrangequestion:“MusthetellherwhokilledLizaveta?”Itwasastrangequestionbecausehefeltattheverytimenotonlythathecouldnothelptellingher,butalsothathecouldnotputoffthetelling.Hedidnotyetknowwhyitmustbeso,heonlyfeltit,andtheagonisingsenseofhisimpotencebeforetheinevitablealmostcrushedhim.Tocutshorthishesitationandsuffering,hequicklyopenedthedoorandlookedatSoniafromthedoorway.Shewassittingwithherelbowsonthetableandherfaceinherhands,butseeingRaskolnikovshegotupatonceandcametomeethimasthoughshewereexpectinghim.

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