Злочин та покарання

Chapter 7

           

           “Whichallmenshed,”heputinalmostfrantically,“whichflowsandhasalwaysflowedinstreams,whichisspiltlikechampagne,andforwhichmenarecrownedintheCapitolandarecalledafterwardsbenefactorsofmankind.Lookintoitmorecarefullyandunderstandit!Itoowantedtodogoodtomenandwouldhavedonehundreds,thousandsofgooddeedstomakeupforthatonepieceofstupidity,notstupidityeven,simplyclumsiness,fortheideawasbynomeanssostupidasitseemsnowthatithasfailed....(Everythingseemsstupidwhenitfails.)BythatstupidityIonlywantedtoputmyselfintoanindependentposition,totakethefirststep,toobtainmeans,andtheneverythingwouldhavebeensmoothedoverbybenefitsimmeasurableincomparison....ButI...Icouldn’tcarryouteventhefirststep,becauseIamcontemptible,that’swhat’sthematter!AndyetIwon’tlookatitasyoudo.IfIhadsucceededIshouldhavebeencrownedwithglory,butnowI’mtrapped.”

           “Butthat’snotso,notso!Brother,whatareyousaying?”

           “Ah,it’snotpicturesque,notæstheticallyattractive!Ifailtounderstandwhybombardingpeoplebyregularsiegeismorehonourable.Thefearofappearancesisthefirstsymptomofimpotence.I’venever,neverrecognisedthismoreclearlythannow,andIamfurtherthaneverfromseeingthatwhatIdidwasacrime.I’venever,neverbeenstrongerandmoreconvincedthannow.

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