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Chapter 12. In which a Great Patriotic Conference is holden

           Bartenderedtheweather,asasubjectneatlyalooffromofficialreserve,fortheForeman’sconsideration.Barsaidthathewastold(aseverybodyalwaysistold,thoughwhotellsthem,andwhy,willeverremainamystery),thattherewastobenowall-fruitthisyear.LordDecimushadnotheardanythingamissofhispeaches,butratherbelieved,ifhispeoplewerecorrect,hewastohavenoapples.Noapples?Barwaslostinastonishmentandconcern.Itwouldhavebeenallonetohim,inreality,iftherehadnotbeenapippinonthesurfaceoftheearth,buthisshowofinterestinthisapplequestionwaspositivelypainful.Now,towhat,LordDecimus—forwetroublesomelawyerslovedtogatherinformation,andcouldnevertellhowusefulitmightprovetous—towhat,LordDecimus,wasthistobeattributed?LordDecimuscouldnotundertaketopropoundanytheoryaboutit.Thismighthavestoppedanotherman;butBar,stickingtohimfreshasever,said,‘Astopears,now?’

           LongafterBargotmadeAttorney-General,thiswastoldofhimasamaster-stroke.LordDecimushadareminiscenceaboutapear-treeformerlygrowinginagardennearthebackofhisdame’shouseatEton,uponwhichpear-treetheonlyjokeofhislifeperenniallybloomed.Itwasajokeofacompactandportablenature,turningonthedifferencebetweenEtonpearsandParliamentarypairs;butitwasajoke,arefinedrelishofwhichwouldseemtohaveappearedtoLordDecimusimpossibletobehadwithoutathoroughandintimateacquaintancewiththetree.

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