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Chapter 34. A Shoal of Barnacles

           

           Andthere,withhisnoblefriendandrelativeLordDecimus,wasWilliamBarnacle,whohadmadetheever-famouscoalitionwithTudorStiltstalking,andwhoalwayskeptreadyhisownparticularrecipeforHownottodoit;sometimestappingtheSpeaker,anddrawingitfreshoutofhim,witha‘First,Iwillbegyou,sir,toinformtheHousewhatPrecedentwehaveforthecourseintowhichthehonourablegentlemanwouldprecipitateus;’sometimesaskingthehonourablegentlemantofavourhimwithhisownversionofthePrecedent;sometimestellingthehonourablegentlemanthathe(WilliamBarnacle)wouldsearchforaPrecedent;andoftentimescrushingthehonourablegentlemanflatonthespotbytellinghimtherewasnoPrecedent.ButPrecedentandPrecipitatewere,underallcircumstances,thewell-matchedpairofbattle-horsesofthisableCircumlocutionist.Nomatterthattheunhappyhonourablegentlemanhadbeentryinginvain,fortwenty-fiveyears,toprecipitateWilliamBarnacleintothis—WilliamBarnaclestillputittotheHouse,and(atsecond-handorso)tothecountry,whetherhewastobeprecipitatedintothis.NomatterthatitwasutterlyirreconcilablewiththenatureofthingsandcourseofeventsthatthewretchedhonourablegentlemancouldpossiblyproduceaPrecedentforthis—WilliamBarnaclewouldneverthelessthankthehonourablegentlemanforthatironicalcheer,andwouldclosewithhimuponthatissue,andwouldtellhimtohisteeththatthereWasNOPrecedentforthis.

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